| running |
[May. 13th, 2005|08:37 pm] |
I thought it was sweet when you ran across the parking lot
With your apparel in shreds like streamers of odium levitating off your fat back
And you split into my center gently for a couple of rotations
Exposed your salty lies in 5 drunken minutes
And you ran over me when you spun out of my carport.
We now like to kill each other hard with distant eye contact
With us, to be an inch away was an altercation of standing arm hairs
But we wont ever touch again, not with your words of scientific electrical religion.
Not with the spiritual awakening of our fingers intertwined.
So DIE! because you failed on the cruel operation of my open heart surgery.
hahaha i wish i could just bribe him with a cookie! |
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| his brother |
[May. 13th, 2005|08:36 pm] |
She’s broad with the diamonds lynching from her lashes
Weighting her high, deeper into the arch of his heartbeat
Defeated in his sweat under the lightless damp oxygen separating their faces thinly.
He never touched her dry, numb lips after he hit the red bulls eye.
It was his brother who introduced her to him, he never held her hand.
Instead, he fed her shots until she cut into the bathtub, destroyed.
She woke up when he twisted her bony ankles and she saw her own eyes
Hemorrhaging spurts of eyeshadow and vodka into the headboard mirror.
And she swayed back and fourth in the grip of her favorite position.
Her execution ends after her skull is railed into the splinters of his demon partition.
A bend in reality, the anguish of her violated carcass waking with the particles of sunlight
Stabbing into her sinuses with the howls of the birdsong.
And it glared into the pools of cherry circling her naked, dejected body
Balanced evenly across the pins and needles of last night, poised. |
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| lalabad |
[Apr. 23rd, 2005|09:38 am] |
Basically I’m so sad. Because remember that poem I wrote? It’s about how close I got to the one boy I love, and how everything was finally working out, and how his stimulating conversation gave me orgasms everywhere. And god, it was so beautiful for a moment in time. Falling asleep with him every night in his arms, literally scared of how powerful just a tiny kiss was. It was basically spiritual. But then something horrible happened. And I can’t even explain how painful it was for me to go through it. But because of it I seriously am now disturbed it triggered like a nerve in my brain and now I’m not stupid anymore.
Maybe it’s all the shit I’m doing to myself, but I’ve totally chilled out. I feel like a new person. I just feel so separated and lonely from the entire world. Heartbreak is damn powerful, but it has nothing really to do with just that. I can’t stand where I am, though, in life. What I do has helped me grow up a lot, though. I know if I were looking in as someone else, I would probably be almost disgusted with me. I would thing that she was naive, bored, and wasteful of life. The thing is, I'm so aware of everything I do, and I don't really give a fuck. But I'm starting to. Just because I want to be more involved with making the world better everywhere. And making myself damn hot. hahaha.
So I am so completely through with THIS (VVV), though.
Debra moved in and out with me, and while she was here, we went out every night messed up until about 4am. Then we’d go eat burgers. Before she was here, I was smoking weed every day with Reid. He’s this hippy boy that is cute now that he got his hair cut, but he used to kind of look like a vampire because his hair was too long. And I wasn’t really attracted to him, but he showed me picture of him in high school, and I suddenly noticed that he’s ripped, and in the picture it was hilarious because he was kind of preppy-thug like. And it was so fantastically erotically sexy and tacky and cliché… it made me all turned on. He told me that that year, he has sex with about 6 girls. Since I have this fascination with bad boys I got very turned on. He's a very generous boy, who loves to have jam sessions with me on bass and guitar. It's groovy.
Anyways, after Debra left, I ended up passing out drunk or higgggghhhhhh every night for the past three weeks. And it was pretty wild. I went to school like a zombie, managed to do all my work perfectly, which is impossible for me in sobriety, for some reason, and got high in my friends car during lunch, and we were like snoop doggs, and I met a new boy and I spent the night a couple times in his bed mainly because I wasn’t sober and god, I am a nightmare child basically. Anyways, there isn’t really any chance in he and I because he’s too much of a stud, and he knows it. Plus I'm a tru playa fo realz and I only love one boy but that's fucked now. So I'm basically going to be single forever. He works at Mt. Baker, though. Hot. Oh, and Ryan and I had a sleepover, but of course nothing happened because we’re friendies.
I hung out with Rob and Ger, and Rob annoyed the fuck out of me with all of his stupid lies and huge ego. So I guess I did something bad to him that made his best friend, Adam, hate me. It's weird that I have to hear these things through my little sister. But do I care? I'll give you two guesses, but you only need one.
The point of the story is Sami is an imprudent asshole.
I feel like I need a major change. And it’s a coming. |
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| hurt |
[Apr. 3rd, 2005|11:44 am] |
i fucked everything up good last night.
something bad happened so i called ryan panicked for debra and he actually cared about me and we met them at a gas station and went to this huge party on james street. it was mucho crowded and i didnt feel like drinking from the keg so we left and kathy dropped me off at this other party with richard and randi and i drank a while bottle of vodka and some beer, and i totally got fucked up beyond belief, i was too drunk to walk, move, throw up, anything. we ended up on ali's boat somehow and i made a fucking fool out of myself in front of everyone, ended up being dropped off by someone i care about SO FUCKING MUCH, and i told him so, and he told me me how i mean nothing to him, that we're not even friends. he honked the horn in my driveway at 2am, while i begged him to explain why he doesn't care about me, just so i would get out of his car, and he peeled out as soon as my foot touched the ground, and i came inside to my mom screaming at me but i just fell on the floor crying and kathy came over and stayed till 5 while i sobbed in her arms. she called jt to ask what happened because he was on the boat for a little bit and he just said i was so drunk i was slurring my words.
i just can't believe he would do this to me. i can't believe his heart is so fucking NOT THERE.
last weekend was so beautiful... and it was just all fake. he said it himself.
my heart hurts and i can't sleep... that aching feeling haunts me right now, and i can barely breath. i have a horrible hangover. |
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| sick fuck |
[Apr. 2nd, 2005|10:52 am] |
i love writing dirty poems when i'm high <3
she punctuates their pores with the infiltrates of her silver horseshoes
he penetrates her with dynomite and his name is a detonation of aspiration
Behind the ecological unit of tin walls and a rattling bed frame
The rabid scavengers gnaw at the glass with their knives
bleeding tongues chew the scar tissue of her heart
And he chokes her with his nails and bruises her neck with his lips
Until she’s deaf to the beholding cunts with their dilated pupils
hearing her SCREAM his noble fucking name.
And scratch it into their eyes with a bullet.
TRUE STORY. |
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| bitchez |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|10:00 pm] |
So this weekend was a little bit of everything. We were supposed to have this big girls night thing but it was fucked over by people. It was really rude and weird, and of course, it got turned around on me and Heather and Kathy and Bailee because yeah, it’s all our fault for… nothing? Yeah. Dude I’m so ready to move on though, from this issues, and as a person. I am becoming too dependant on people for my life to go on normal. It’s really sad how much I depend on people that are two faces. I hate that.
Plus, lots of fun stuff has been happening. My insides started bleeding a week ago and it just kept getting worse and worse and it was really weird, so I went to the doctor and the blood showed that it’s not what we thought it was… and it’s not just my ulcers… it’s something having to do with my kidney. There’s a few things that can be wrong, and I’m hoping it’s just that I’m anemic or diabetic or something. But I have to go get cat scans and shit. Lots of doctor visits are about to go down.
So today I went out and got Peaches’ Fatherfucker CD which is hot. I had all the songs downloaded but I still wanted it. And I got the old NERD CD too. I was going to get the Mars Volta albums even though I have them downloaded but this kid Chris is highly obsessed with them and it almost turned me away from them but whatever. They’re still hot, hot shit. Now that I have my music and fashion magazines I can relax. Kathy and I just watched Saw and that was so fucked up. I made Cyndy watch it with us because I was about to shit myself.
God I’m so fucking in lovelovelovelovelove with someone so lameass. <3 <3 |
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| hot. |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|09:02 am] |
So I’ve been up to no good. I spent the night Monday night at someone’s house I shouldn’t have. (Even if I fought him off with my retainers…. HAHAHA!) And hung out with someone I shouldn’t have. But besides that…
Kathy is back with Scott which means we wont hang out much anymore… not that I don’t wanna. I hate Scott for what he did to her, and how he’s just basically picking her back up because he got dumped by the girl he was seeing behind Kathy’s back. And Kathy’s there for him to his convienence. So funny, Kathy always seems to be the wise one, seeing all the signs that a relationship is fucked up. But she’ll basically let Scott have her, without even needing to put a title on their relationship. She’s in denial she’d doing the whole FWB thing. But at least she’s not lying to me anymore, and I’ll be supportive, and whatever makes her happy makes me happy, and who knows… it might even work out better than before.
So I’ve filled my time up with men. And Reanna. Haha. So Rob and I are hanging out again. And GERALD. Last week Rob and I went out to dinner, and chilled for a few hours at Denny’s. We all hung out last night at Ihop. (Hmm… I’m seeing a pattern of classy dining.) Gerald kept making me laugh and Rob kept making fun of him. Rob was wearing a hot suit and tie… we’re a cool bunch. Rob asked to hang out soon on late arrival night… which is tonight. But I’m kinda pissed at him cuz we were supposed to hang out at 6:30 last night, and because I made him wait till 7, he punished me to go to some thing with Ger. Too bad I looked hot last night, too. See:
Kris has been picking up with his need-Sami-ness. I get bothered by persistence, though, so I think I’m just going to pop on by his house when he least expects it. His room mates are weird, but he’s fine. Cory told me that he’d use me, but I have a feeling I won’t let that happen.
I paid my ticket secretly yesterday. I used all the money I’ve been saving since Christmas, and went to the post office all by myself (with Kathy) and did a money order, filled my shit out, and sent it off to Lynnwood Courthouse. How exciting, I feel so independent. I can’t wait until my parents see my insurance. The deadline was today… so that letter better fucking make it.
So I’m dead broke. And I lost my tanning card. So I mooched off Kathy, and spent about 3 hours at the gym. We ran, did the elliptical runner, stair stepper, circuit twice, ab machines twice, stretches, ass things, and those leg lift things. I was there from like 3:30 to 7. But in between I had a little snack ;). But I’m going to get my ass in shape for summer and PROM, jesus. I can’t wait until Bayside opens so I can go back to lap swimming early in the AM. (but speaking of prom, here’s my dress!- with other stuff I got at whistler.)
God I have the biggest crush on this kid in my political science class, the one that was in love with me too until he found out I was 17. But I keep having dirty fantasies about him all class… hahaha. And that’s a LONG ASS CLASS. Every time I go I wish to god I was high or drunk so it would be more bearable. I couldn’t the seconds until our 10 minute break. Anyways, so this guy and I talk more and more each class, and he’s discovering that I’m not so immature. So maybe thing will be cool soon. He’s going to try to get into graphic design with me next quarter, and he wants to hang out soon. And buy a car from my dad. Comission, babahh! I did a presentation in my class, and everyone think’s I’m just the funny dumb (cute)-haha jk!!- girl but I proved them wrong. Even if I added in some humor, and also complained about my shoes making it difficult to present. But my teacher was impressed, and after I was like, “did we get an A, teach?” and he was all… “you did well…” and I was like, “well enough for an A…?” all confident, and he was like, “hahaha, maybe…” all give-away that I got an A. Yes! Fuck those bitches who didn’t think I could do it.
Hmm… I need shoes. And someone hacked into my myspace so I had to change my password. Asshole. |
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| break. |
[Mar. 3rd, 2005|11:19 am] |
So I’ve had some pretty bad luck lately.
While driving Grace home form the airport, I got a speeding ticket. So that sucks. I haven’t told my parents yet but I’m pretty sure I’m in for it. Badddd. Shitty. But then we spent the night at Reanna’s and relaxed and it was so nice to have my baby home!
Casey came over on Thursday and he helped me study for my test on Friday, which I got a C on anyways. So that sucked.
And… let me see. I partied ever night until Friday, Kathy and I went to Whistler for the weekend. We got our own condo, and my parents got really drunk (hmmm… imagine being in a fancy, quiet, traditional Japanese restaurant, and your father jumping up and dancing on the table…) and gave us money, so I bought an unnecessary amount of stuffs!
Monday sucked. Tuesday was ok, Reanna and I worked out hard, Wednesday was ok, I worked out by myself for a long time and then Grace spent the night, and today better be good.
TO DO:
-project/presentation for political science
-paper for political science
-paper for religions
-presentation(S) for religions
-3 weeks of pre calc homework
-pre calc test
-chem lab
-have sex |
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| boring-est update ever |
[Feb. 21st, 2005|03:54 pm] |
I am so happy I’m taking a break from high school for the week. Even though I already have been skipping most of my classes to do stupid pointless shit, like eat.
But the weekend started off really awkward. In my religions class there’s this cool guy Casey who asked me out on a date for Friday, just a movie, so I said yes. Anyways, he’s way too polite and straight… like in the movie there was a shot of this nasty boob… u know when you see a boob that’s misshaped and un-supported that’s just unnecessary… and I pointed it out, coming to realize soon after that he was like, shocked. And I was thinking right then, “yeah, this is not the guy for me.” That’s why I HATE DATES. That aren’t like, “friend-date” things, where you end up making out at the end. Not weird, old fashioned date-dates. Ugh. ANYWAYS. He’s such a nice guy that I feel guilty asking to copy his papers in class. So shit.
Reanna, Haley and I went to party at Alison’s, and then Thor’s, where I got totally fucked up. I smoked a joint with Thor and had a huge glass of vodka. We spent the night at Ashely’s and I woke up not remembering anything but feeling like death, and I realized I ate a whole package of el fudge cookies and jack in the box and even still, we went out to breakfast at Denny’s.
That night Kathy and I went to a party at this guy Ryan’s house, and all the boys and girls were hitting on us, but I just had a little coke n rum and watched Kathy play video games with this idiot, and Richard kept trying to leave with us, but Kathy plainly said no. Then Eli and this guy and these girls said they were coming over, so I waited for them, but fell asleep.
Yesterday morning I took Brittney out to breakfast, then went to her house and played with her baby, Hayden and chilled with her and Jamison. And this slutty little girl. Then that night Kathy and I went to Alison’s party and drank a little, talked to Elton and Richard, laughed a lot, then went home and spooned.
I am so excited to see Grace tomorrow, finally. She’s going to be sooo sad. We’re picking her up from the airport and I KNOW her heart is just going to be shattered from missing Ross SOOOO much. But I’m trying to prepare something special for her. I miss her sooo much. |
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| bye grace </3 |
[Feb. 13th, 2005|01:15 pm] |
Ummm… OK. BIZZARE weekend. Lets get straight to it.
Friday night Grace, Reanna, Sharan, Kathy and all chilled at my house … kind of like a seeing Grace off thing… (she’s left for Virginia to see her navy lover!! HOW ROMANTIC!) And we all ate and talked. Then we went to Grace’s mom’s house around 1, sat in the bathroom for a while “bonding.” We went to sleep… for about 2 hours, then woke up at 4 to drive down to Seatac airport. I love driving at night… SOOO much… especially when there’s no one on the freeway and you’re with your favorite girls… some passed out in the backseat, listening to cheesy pop music, going 100 down the road. HAHA… so cute. So we said emotional goodbyes, drank tea at Grace’s gate, and were home by 9:30.
I slept till about 2 then went to the gym then the mall with Kathy. Then Justus and Ryan came over and we took some shots… (not Ryan.) Then we finally retreated to Thor’s new house, which was pretty damn nice! It was fun, we all drank (omg… I had about 4 shots of vodka and a huge cup of bacardi) and I was sooo drunk. Kathy was, too. It was really fun!!! Richard came and I kept hitting on him even though we hate each other, and he was really going for it. Then I hit on Ryan, then Alison, Randi and Kati… and Ryan told me I kept putting my hands in his pants and cuddling up to him. Oh shit. I peed like 30 times on the towel in the bathroom, fell down the stairs, danced up to nasty people… it was so cool. We had to take Kathy and Justus home so we left, went back, then went to another party, which was really lameass.
We left pretty soon, and Ryan and I went back to my house. We laid on my floor for a really long time talking, then we got on my bed and fell asleep all spoonish. Nothing happened at all. He wore my pajama pants and my mom walked into my room all shocked around 2 and was like, “nice pants…” HAHA. Skyla was pissed because she hates him. We woke up, laid in bed for a couple hours, and I told him to go home. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|04:36 pm] |
loserness period over.
no more complaining.
in the past two weeks:
parties:
-byrons parties.. basically a crowd of rich sleazy high school upperclassmen and a bunch of immature college kids. but they're fun and everyone's on drugs and it's welcoming. byron is a sweetheart. but the time before last time we went over there, the party was busted and we walked in on some porno scene they were FILMING.
-hippy parties that were too crowded and smelly and cross-dressed.
-college parties with girls thinking they were way better than us.
-maragita party. that i didnt even go to but it was an option and sharan went.
events:
-the dance... thats was actually fun. I danced so hard, i sweated off 20 lbs. Sharan, Haley, Grace, Reanna, Jill, Heather, Lizzi and I had so much fun.
-dinners/breakfasts with my ex boyfriends (and Aaron and Randi)... that's been amusing. He got a hot car. We raced, i won once and lost once.
-everyone sleeping over at my house this weekend. that was hot.
-going to the lake and having a nightime picnic and SWIM... oh god... with Dane, Taylor and Heather with candles and cigars.
-Hanging out with Reanna.
-Getting drunk with Kathy
-Cleaning my room on speed, then doing 8 loads of laundry.
-Two sexy dates.
so debra and i have gotten to be pretty good friends. its insane how i always bond so well with my ex boyfriends new girlfriends. resent is not a feeling i often get. which is good i guess. this girl is gorgeous. and she's totally sweet. people say she's a whore but she doesnt seem like it at all, she's pretty damn great. |
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| insight. |
[Jan. 28th, 2005|12:51 pm] |
I noticed today that when people are at their happiest, they complain the most. I was thinking that today as Heather went on about her issues with Dane... how he doesnt admit other girls are hot, dumb stuff like that. And I kinda went "uh huh, yeah," and spaced off wondering if I complained a lot when I wasn't single. And then I realized every chance I could get I would search for reasons for why my life wasn't perfect when I was with someone, because it really seemed it was, and I complained non stop about how my boy wanted too much of my time, how he got a gym membership to be with me, other dumb shit like that. And I realized just now how preciously stupid I am. And everyone else who has a significant other who they're happy with. But we can't help it. Nature made humans dig for things to complain about.
On the other hand, when I'm at my lowest, there's nothing to bother saying. Because nothing you say sounds significant enough to bother complaining about. Like, "wah, I'm sad." It doesnt really go farther than that. There isnt a lot of explaining to do about sadness, it's just there, and your reasons never measure up to the damn feeling you have.
The only reason I am even analyzing all this shit is because today Kathy bought me a necklace and gave me a three page note, explaining how obcenely fucked up her life is, therefore I should be back in it. But it just seemed like a bunch of bullshit to me. This is so mean and harsh, but her dramatic cry for help seems like the perfect excuse to get away for treating me like crap, and I don't want to go for it. Kathy isn't stupid. She knows exactly how to drive pity into someone's heart until they have no choice but to run back to her, aching to protect her from the harsh world. But in reality, she's safe and sound, living it up with a hot boyfriend, as much pleasure as she wants, unlimited access to alcohol, and her mom's cash. To buy me a necklace with.
So whatever. This is the heat of the moment so let it fucking be. |
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| ghetto |
[Jan. 27th, 2005|11:51 pm] |
ew i just checked myself out in the mirror and it looks like im a fat heroin addict. its getting bad... i get no sleep because every night i feel like im going to puke fire, when i sleep i dream obcenities, things that you arent allowed to say at the dinner table, my eyes are bloodshot, my diet consists of burriots and gushers and nutrigrain bars and cereal. and i am too lazy to wash my face and i havent showered in like 3 days because i wake up and go straight to class with barely any time to change my panties. then i drive my sister around for like hours straight, with like 45 min breaks in between. and i havent worn my retainer for months and my teeth are getting crooked, not to mention my goddamn wisdom tooth hurts. my rooms smells, its so damn messy and i wear my clothes inside out, and there's no way im hooking up this weekend. and there's no way i can charm a boy in my sexy sex sheets that i havent been able to seduce anyone with even though i've had them since christmas because my room isnt presentable for secuction. except for grace and kathy and whoever else has slept with me over the last month.
so im discouraged about my plans for this weekend. oh yeah, there's the superbowl party with my ghetto friends. i was going to dress hot and get in a fight or something, because the girls that are going are stupid latina drama queens. most of them, at least. so kathy was going to be my latin backup expect, WHOOPS!, we havent even talked since last friday. ouch.
i dropped out of english today because i havent done one assigment since that class started, and im going to miss my teacher with a tupe. he was so understanding of my disturbed fake rough drafts.
i'll go brush my teeth and drink some of this disgusting herbal water shit my mom gives me to pass out to feel better. |
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| crappp! |
[Jan. 25th, 2005|08:19 pm] |
jfhrdfhgjkfhdjk you have no idea how shitty I'm feeling right now, it sucks everything revolting. I'm sooo missing my comfortable life, where everyone i don't like date ugly people, everyone who effs me over dates no one, and my friends are all loving me dearly, and i work out every day and eat really good food, and i get decent grades.
well... now it's shitty because i'm feeling so lonely. it sucks. my life is so empty right now, but really full of obsessive awareness of everyone else's happiness, especially those who make me sad inside. i want my friends to be happy, but sometimes i change my mind when i discover how left out that makes me. who do i have to hang around to hear my bitching? I haven't bitched in forever. and now i hate it. everything i bitch about is sooo personal, that i always am afraid if i don't bitch about it, i'll bitch about it to here, where anyone can see and i'll be revealed, all that makes me stupid, all that makes me vulnerable, all that makes me really fucked up inside. which i'm sure we all are, but i dont want to be first to show it. ugh...
i'm having a rough time with some people.
oh, and my grades suck ass. and this always happens. I get good and lazy with a D of some sort. And then whoops, here comes the end of the semester.
i miss kathy. hella. i mean, she's my best friend, she's like an addiction of mine. but i'm not going to disturb the regularity of her new life with my whiney demands for her time. I mean, i want her to be able to want to be with me as well. otherwise, its not worth it. i miss chilling with her, and without her i feel like getting back at everyone with a stupid guy or something, slap them in the face with this realization that i dont need them anymore, i'm filling their space with a penis. but it doesnt work because for some reason i am not attracted to anyone, and no one is attracted to me. so that leaves me doing nothing but drugs and partying.
and im empty. |
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| stomache ache |
[Jan. 24th, 2005|10:45 pm] |
we all went to this party saturday night at byrons that got pretty huge. everyone who was at matts party ended up there, i caught up with this guy i always talk to at my dad's work, he's hella fine with a hot car and snatched my number. i talked to molly a little bit, amanda was there, too, and richard was there and he got mad at grace for not recognizing him in the dark. and the girls who got in a fight with my sister were there, watching me the whole time. i ended up getting in a fight with this drunk bitch who pushed grace against the tv. I grabbed her and we had a battle in front of everyone. I was a hero, yes, i was. anyways, it wasn't that fun anyways, so we left around 2 or so, went to another party at this hot guy's house with george and abe. everyone was really fucking wasted, i got high with these funny guys, then we turned on rave music and the insane strobe light that was fucking high quality club worthy and tripped out for like an hour while grace danced sloppy slasa, and collapsed with a sideache. it was hilarious, sharan and I have never laughed so hard, i was crying. i ended up punching george, getting in another fight, and eating two cheeseburgers at 5am before crashing at Grace's.
Then i got up at 8 to go pick Heather up and drive down to Anacortes to hang out with Tay Tay and Dane. It was pretty fun, we all chilled and watched Dane's basketball game, and then ate food and I got indegestion and made heather drive and downed pepto bismo. |
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| nasty |
[Jan. 22nd, 2005|01:42 pm] |
Well, Kathy and I made plans to go to the game after we showered off our mess of gym resedue last night, and I called her as I was on my way to her cottage and she was like, "umm.. what are you talking about? I'm going over to Scott's." And I was like bitch please. Ho.
We went to the game and I talked to Dane quite a bit as we swooned over Heather in her little dance outfit. He was wearing brightass pink and everyone was being judgemental about it and I liked it. But anyways, after the game I got a little kiss, which was nice, from an old admirer. Then we went to goddamn tequila rock, which is this ghetto club downtown, to see KC rap for Sharan's benefit. All the girls ended up going, and dancing like whores among the humping hobos. It was pretty trashy, and we didn't stay too long. Quin was there though. HAHA. Ty and Jarrett were going to take us to a party, but things got so confused that it wasn't worth waiting for.
Grace and I took off to chill out and get high at this little thing Ryan was at, not before I got pulled over for flipping a bitch too close to an interection. I got off with a warning. I swear it was the same damn cop that came to my door looking for Sarah when she ran away. Stupid bastard. But yeah, I didn't need another ticket so I was greatful.
The thing we went to had like 10 people, hella beer, but no weed, so we kinda got out of there quickly. We stole like 8 beers. We went to this other ghetto party in a mansion thing, and left soon cuz it was sketchy.
Finally we settled down in Canada in another club, made it home to Grace's, and woke up bloated and hungry for LAFEENS! |
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| nice<3 |
[Jan. 20th, 2005|02:40 pm] |
Heather got me a shirt last night! It says, “smile if you’re gay.“ She’s amazing. I took a cheesy smiley picture in it. So Asian tourist.
And let me see… I have ulcers because of stress I guess. They’re acidy sex. And I take about 13 pills a day. Drug addict much? So I was kinda high off those yesterday, and I quot my job, got really upset with my parents for not letting me go to Seattle, (they changed their mind finally) and I decided to go for a long run. AND BELIEVE ME. IM NOT A RUNNER. I can barely run 30 min on the tredmill. I'm a elyptical kinda girl. I managed about 5 miles though with all the adrenaline I had.
Oh, and I dyed my hair blonde-blonde. Next I’m going darker.
I miss my ex husband, but things change!! I still love her and she loves me, we just can’t make love much anymore. I wonder if Scott knows we come in a combines package. It sucks because now she's with her real lover and I'm a jealous ex. BUT!! Out of guilt for our cancelled plans, she burns me CDs now!
I love Grace! She’s my therapy! She's stayed with me for a while, then left, and made me sleep alone. I'm a spooning monster. She is so intelligent and easy to talk to, she understands EVERYTHING. We went over to Mary's and EVERYONE was there, they forgot to mention to us that anything was going on, so we were treated a bit like unwanted guests. It was lameass, but I feel like I can rise above that ish. Lately I’ve been getting tired of my usual crowd. I don’t know if it’s them or me, but I get so sick of people who search so hard for something that doesn’t even matter… work so hard to talk to the right person, to have the right friends… it’s bullshit.
I wrote a story about sex, drugs and love for English and my teacher got all, “thank you!” on me. It was strange. And exciting.
My sister and I had a huge bonding experience over telling her about my life. Finally. it felt good to get it all out, and she was depressed, but it was really good. She's like my ispiration to be good. |
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[Jan. 8th, 2005|02:43 pm] |
The seahawks are getting their ass kicked, so that sucks considering that has been the contents of my day so far. I’m bored. Thank god tomorrow I’m going snowboarding with Gerald and Kathy and hopefully others. College started this week. I have the same teacher for religions. I don’t know anyone in my class except for Hunter, David and Zach… I don’t like Zach at all, so he doesn’t really count. And in Political Science I have Zoey in my class, she’s such a doll, I love her to death. I skipped English because it ends at 9pm and on Thursday night by 9 the roads were supposed to be insane cuz of all the snow.
I am setting up my new computer and transferring all my music files on there and trying to upload MSN without buying it. And ugh, it’s shitty cuz my mom is obsessive compulsive about setting things up and she wont leave me the fuck alone.
So life has been lame. Nothing happening. |
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[Dec. 28th, 2004|04:42 pm] |
this christmas was stupid.
my family is insane. let me tell you.
my grandma is angry and wild. she revealed that part of the reason she hates tri cities is because their security guards didnt show up at the mosh pit my grandma set up for her rocker roommates concert. and we were watching this thing on the warped tour and she was unimpressed with the pit because she moshed in what she calls a "falling wall" of people at her metallica concerts.
my aunt and uncle are german fashionistas who go off in german at their dissapointment in my actions.
my dad got in trouble for getting me drunk while we opened presents. and he has horrible ADHD.
my mom is obsessed with trying to potray herself as a perfect mother who keeps me doing hw at home... while i let slip that i snuck off to canada the other night.
my 6 cousins are all pretty blonde genious sports prodigies full of energy playing dance dance revolution 24/7.
my grandpa watches football. thats about all.
and most of them except for grandma and my dad are "dissapointed" in me, and tell their kids not to listen to me. My sister is the one that they are allowed to trust, I'm the dangerous one. it's pathetic. perfection is my family's standard.
so i'm still here in othello and i hate it because theres only one thing to do : eat. So all I do is lay around watching movies, and dream about far away fantasies like sex and exercise.
It was really strange. I was thinking about Ryan while I was coming here because the last time I was here, Ry was with me and we were fucking around the farm. And then out of nowhere, he called me and tried to make friends.
but my dad gave me the whole upstairs of his shop to do what i want with it. i'm going to turn it into an apartment/studio... its going to be so hot and chill... im painting it bright orange and having the couch redone with dark brown satin. and i can't explain it great... but i'll supply pictures.
I got a ton of shit, but no clothes :(. I'm going to take back a ton of crap I dont like and get stuff i do!! <3 |
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[Dec. 24th, 2004|04:21 pm] |
2003
drugs
love
tears
2004
alcohol
fake love
smiles
I started partying my ass off
I got in another serious relationship
I sexed
Relationship ended
48789 boys
Got 893790587 more friends
Got hot style
college
Amazing
<3<3
2005
hottie
-drink water
-swim team
-gym every day
-pilates
maybe another new romance love
california
act!!!! |
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